Waterboarding

His eye itched. 

I know this because he was rubbing his eye. Repeatedly. 

So grandma and I, full of the vile hate natural to maternal figures, conspired to torture him. The concencus was swift and decisive; death by eye flushing. 

Determined to lure my captive to a tiny room where I could force my will on him, I teased him with fond memories such as "you just spent 30 minutes playing in the tub. You love water so much!" And "Mommy is going to take care of your itchy eye. Momma's job is to take care of you."

With my prey finally trapped between the sink and the door, I bent over him and.....

Flushed his frickin' eye with water. 

Repeatedly. 

We both have battle wounds from my cruel act. 

And the screaming. Omg the screaming. 

If DHS isn't knocking at our door tomorrow then, well, either I have deaf neighbors or waterboarding is legal.

(Insert evil laughter)

(Sobs)