The Hard Stuff

I'm a Mom. So I worry.

I worry about the gruesome death of a five year old by consumption of excess sugar and the vitamin deficiency of a broccoli-free childhood.

I know, right?

But some of the things I worry about are harder to pin down. And infinitely more terrifying.

Maybe NT Momma's worry about some of these things. Maybe every momma does.

But I learned for certain this weekend that my worst fears are shared by a great many Spectrum moms. So if nothing else, at least I'm not alone.

I attended an autism conference. My first.

And it was amazing.

It was also really, really, really hard.

Because some of my worst fears are already real life, actual, serious concerns in the autism community at large.

And isn't that awesome?

And isn't that terrifying?

Because whether it makes you angry or not, whether it scares you or makes you sad or not, many of the Spectrum Mom's fears aren't just "fears."

They are realistic concerns about the trajectory of some children on the spectrum.

Especially children, like my Boy, who come with an alphabet soup of diagnoses.

Fears that reach into the unknown, frightening, far off adulthood of our babies.

Fears that are shared by therapists and doctors and teachers. And other moms.

It's a bit overwhelming to hear your fears coming out of other people's mouths.

To hear their concerns about emotional connectivity and relationship awareness and ever-elusive, hard-to-pin-down concepts like life and death and love and hate and how our actions are connected to our feelings.

Or how our actions have consequences.

Or how those consequences can be harmful. To themselves. To others.

Concepts some of our kiddos haven't grasped yet. Concepts they maybe will, but maybe won't ever, grasp.

l know that all a Mom can do is her best. And I'm giving it.

Cuz this kid deserves everything I've got.

Not because he earned it or asked for it.

Not because I love him or he loves me.

But because he's here. His very existence qualifies him to receive the absolute best he can get from me.

I think more people need to remember that: he deserves it because he's here. It's that simple.

Loving him just helps fuel me to give it to him.

Well, love and life and the fact that he's very, very cute.

<3

#SpectrumMom

Our alphabet soup: Autism, ADHD, SPD, ODD, Anxiety, Impulse control disorder, expressive language disorder, receptive language disorder, articulation disorder, phonological disorder, global developmental delay, weakness of the musculoskeletal system....(more here)

And the cutest dimple you've ever seen.

Just one of the many, many, many awesome seminars from the conference.