Spectrum Mom's Yummy Caramel Apples.

Boo!!!

Halloween was awesome. But I didn't know it was going to be.

Most of the day I regretted my entirely impromptu "Hey, did you know today is a holiday?" speech at 10 am. Because let's face it, we never really know how that's going to turn out. Now do we?

Boy: What holiday is it?

Me: Hallowwwww(realizes this might not be the best time to bring it up)eeeeeennnnn....

Boy: That is trick-or-treating time.

Me: Yes.

Boy: That is for dark.

Me: Well, yes. We don't go trick-or-treating until dark, but it's Halloween aaaaa(ohhh noooo)lllllll day.

Boy: Then I will have a new toy. (Not what I expected. But okay.)

Me: Why would you get a new toy?
Boy: Because that is a holiday.

Good point, kid.

New Nerf gun it is.

Cue mentally walking on eggshells in anticipation of potential sudden launch to red alert.

Which totes wasn't necessary. ( I got the word 'totes' from a friend. And she's getting her PhD. So I figured I'm gonna use it, too.)

Grandpa played Nerf war with him. 

He ran in circles chatting to no one about Halloween.  

He asked about candy. 

He ran in circles.
He talked about his costume.
He ran in circles.
He changed his mind about his costume
He asked about candy while running in circles.

He hid under the table.
He came out to see what I was doing.

Still at green alert!

And then I got brave.

If ''brave'' can alternately be defined as ''Oh SNAP it's a holiday and we should be doing HOLIDAY things not just going to 3 houses to get candy."

So I went into some kind of adrenaline-induced Pinterest-Crazed-Holiday-Mom mode.

It WAS Halloween. I might have been temporarily possessed. But if you're gonna be possessed it might as well be by Martha-freaking-Stewart.

So we made caramel apples.

Okay more Semi-Homemade than Martha. 

Here's our recipe:

Step 1: Send Boy out to collect sticks for caramel apples. 

Step 2: BECAUSE I SAW IT ON PINTEREST, OKAYYYYYY!  Sheesh.

Step 3: Have boy unwrap each caramel. Kraft bagged kind. Seriously. 

Step 4: Every time Boy tries to walk away 

or forgets what he's doing 

or gets bored 

or frustrated 

stick an unwrapped caramel in his mouth and back away. 
Step 5: Put pan on stove.
Step 6: Have boy put caramels in pan. 
No. 
All of them. 
Yes, the ones that fell on the floor, too. 
It's candy. Not eggs. 
PUT THEM IN THE PAN! 

Step 7: Reduce water on Kraft bag recipe before you put it in the pan in order to accommodate loss of 1/4 caramels to eating and another 2 to the trash because they fell on the floor and... he's stubborn.
And hygienic. 
Except about poop.
And boogers.
Step 8: Turn on heat to medium-low whateverthatisjustguessokay. 

Step 9: Do NOT let Boy catch fire.   
See pic.

Boy NOT on fire.

                                

Step 10: Melt green plastic spatula in caramel.

Step 11: Trade out spatulas and proceed as normal. 

Step 12: Let Boy dip his own apple. 

Step 13: Tell Boy 1.290 times he can't eat it until after T-O-Ting while allowing the caramel to cool.   
See pic.

Boy NOT eating caramel apples.

Step 14: Run pre-meltdown Boy upstairs to rush into costume as pure distraction from the caramel apple he can't eat yet even though it is still light outside and how are we going to make it until dark?  

Step 15: Send Boy on wild goose chase for things we might/might not need to go T-O-T-ing because he doesn't know any different and now I have to waste time until dark. 

Step 16: Go T-O-Ting.  Yes, I am that lazy. I will use abrevs if I want. 

Step 17: Eat the caramel off the apples until your teeth are stuck together. 
Step 18: Make a mental note to do this every year.  
Because these are gorgeous.

And yummy.

See pic.

YUMMY.

Ever notice how these fancy online bakers like Martha and Ree and Recipes.com give you tips AFTER the recipe so you miss them and then screw everything up? Yeah, I have some of those too.

NOTE: Boy remained on Orange Alert for the duration of the evening after I lost my head and attempted to go all Holiday on him. 

NOTE 2: Butter whatever you sit the caramel apples on. Trust me.

NOTE 3: Wash the apples. I forgot to tell you to wash the apples.

NOTE 4: And dry the apples. Like... Before you dip them in the caramel. K.

WARNING! Proceed with caution. Meltdown Alert levels may vary. Not responsible for Red Alerts, triggers, fits, burns or open/bite/claw wounds resulting from over-stimulation assaults, sugar highs or general spectrumness. May be attempted with NT children with unknown results. May be attempted with Girls with unknown results.

So... Unfortunately today wasn't quite as pleasant as yesterday. We woke to an unhappy Boy. Unhappy with a depth of heartbreak that can only be found in a child who has awoken to a day that is less special than the day before. Holiday detox.

But hey, I got a picture of him making caramel apples. And a pic of him NOT eating said apples. And a pic of .... said... apples.

So...  I'm good.

 <3